Hurry Man: The Irrelevant Virtue of Unnecessary Hurrying

6:00 AM. First Alarm (Plays Walk – Foo Fighters). It’s six! How soon does it get six, man? Wake up, Hurry Man. Wait, Cab arrives at 7:30. Snooze.

6:30 AM. Second Alarm (Plays Redneck – Lamb of God). Damn, I hate my choice of loud alarms. Mom shouts. Don’t miss your cab. Wake up, Hurry Man! Wait, I still have an hour. Snooze.

6:45 AM. Last Alarm (Plays the verse of Use Somebody – Kings of Leon). Aaaaaargh! This is the last alarm bro. Mom Shouts again. Get up you lazy bum. You are going to miss your cab. Ok. Wakes up. Checks all notifications, Facebook - you bugger. Damn. It’s 6:55. Get up, Hurry Man! Rushes to the bathroom.

6:56 AM. Come on man, push it out of your system (No diggity – Chet Faker plays in the background). Soft music helps. Come on, hurry man. Checks time. Damn, you should have woken up at the first alarm. Checks notifications again. Opens tinder (No shame), swipes to find some suitable partner to horse around with. Left, Left, Left, Left - Fake, Left - Super-Fake, Sapiosexual (Ah! Opens profile – finds 4 grammatical errors - Fake Sapiosexual – Left, Hypocrisy is when your grammar is worse.), Right (YES!), Superlike (HELL YES!), No likes to self. Wish I had muscles, sigh! Disappointment helps push bowels faster. You feel better than the shit you give and take. 7:10 AM! HOLY SHIT. Fuck you Tinder. You’re going to miss your cab, man. Hurry Man!

7:11 AM. Stuffs mouth with toothpaste. Toggles playlist with left hand. 3 minutes for brushing teeth, 7 minutes for bathing, 8 minutes for changing. Yeah, I can do it before 7:30. The driver can wait for a couple of minutes (Plays Mi Swing Es Tropical – Quantic and Nickodemis. Boogaloo is fun while bathing, trust me). Cleans up. Forgot to shave man. Don’t have time man. Got to be prepared, have a presentation. I think I can bathe faster and make up for lost time. Hurry Man!

7:15 AM. Every minute is crucial. Smears foam all over. Thank god for 4 razor blades, Shave done in one go (Sings Homenaje Al Beny). 7:19!!!! HURRY MAN! Completes ablutions in record 5 minutes (Victory March) (Sings I like it like that – Pete Rodriguez). Damn, where’s my shirt. MOM! Where’s my shirt?!!! I’m getting late!! Mom gives a taunt. Wears whatever he sees. You’re going to miss your cab, man. Hurry Man!

7:27 AM. Cab driver calls. ‘Bhaiya 2 minatt mein pahunch raha hun, niche aa jaiye’. Coming! Coming! I scream, even after he hangs up. You gotta fill your bottle man. Stay hydrated, only way you can push those lithographic formations in your kidneys. Runs around like a mad man. Dad screams – ‘Jaldi utha karo!’ Stops playing music. Packs stuff. Novel – check, headset – check, wallet – check, glasses – check, watch – check, access card – check. Phone rings again. ‘Bhaiya aa jaao!’ AAYA!! 2 minatt! Stuffs some fruits and some juice (Thanks Dad!). Hurry Man!

7:34 AM. Cab driver cribbing. ‘Bhaiya traffic badh jaayega, jaldi karo’. Drive, bugger. Picks up one colleague. Picks up second (Plays Si Quires Bailar – Pete Rodriguez, you gotta find more songs man.). Ok, start reading. Gotta finish this book by next week. Have a big backlog. Reads, makes incessant co-pilot brakes, rants at wrong side drivers, and reckless jay-walkers. The driver rushes like a madman. Have a call at 9:30. Just pray there is no traffic. Ouch, Dhaula Kuan jam-packed (Plays Kick out the jams – Rage Against the Machine), find some other way man. Hurry Man!

9:26 AM. Reaches office. Runs the stairs, no time for the elevator man. Gotta connect to the call man. Checks mail, call cancelled, but shitloads of work. Call cancelled due to apparent heavy work load. Can’t waste time man. Colleague: ‘Naashta?’ Me: ‘No man! Gotta hurry man!’ Deployment window from 10:30 AM to 11:00 AM. Wankers couldn’t spare us another 30 minutes? Sumit, start prepping up Pre-Prod. We have to validate and run the code once before deployment. Bhai, Code fatt gaya. Check karo. Access nahin hai. DBA ko pakdo. Client ki Maa Ka Jhopda. 10:01 AM: Service Desk – ‘Ticket raise karo, SLA k hisaab se resolve karenge’. 10:15 AM: Bhai chal gaya (Plays Looking out my door – Creedence Clearwater Revival). Check access in PROD. NAHIN HAI! BC raise request. Client ki Maa Ka Jhopda! Gotta be ready before 10:30 man. We are gonna miss our window man. Hurry Man!

11:00 AM. Goes for breakfast. Plays TT. Manager comes at 12. Gotta prep up some status report before he comes. 11:51 AM: Score 3-7 in my favor. Gotta finish this man, Hurry Man! 12:15 PM: Not happy with how the deployment went today, Harsh. You have to be more ‘PROACTIVE’ (Say PROACTIVE one more time, I dare you, I double dare you Muffaka!). Unnecessary justifications, lame excuses, blame games, let it go man. ‘I’ll keep it in mind next time boss’ (Plays Small Axe – Bob Marley, If you are a big tree, I’m a Small Axe, sharpened to cut you down). Rebel mode ‘ON’. Let’s go for a tea, man. Bitches about everyone. Makes fun of funny Russky accent of the client manager (He’s a very nice guy though). Discusses foolish politics and current affairs. 1:05 PM: Gotta have lunch man, have to sit with Hemant for the Project Delivery Presentation. Let’s eat fast man. Hurry Man!

2:15 PM. Tired of hurrying. Let’s read something man (Plays My Heart Beats like a Hammer – BB King). Opens Wikipedia, starts reading random, passive aggressive, bullshit. Forgot to work on the presentation.

3 PM.  Hemant - ‘What progress did you make over weekend?’

Harsh – ‘None Hemant, wasn’t at home.’ Sheepishly agrees to excessive drinking over weekend.

Hemant - ‘Make some progress and come when you are prepared, stop wasting my time’

Harsh – ‘I’ll come up with something by 4:30 PM.’ - Runs out embarrassed.

3:10 PM. Rebel mode – Super ‘ON’. Updates profile on Naukri. Applies to all companies. Strawberry Infotech (WTFLOL, what stupid name is that?! Apply Anyway). Gotta be ready before 4:30, need to save my rapport before 4:30 PM. Hurry Man!

4:20 PM. Pings Hemant.

Harsh – The Presentation is ready

Hemant – Seriously? Everything?

Harsh – Yeah. Added all the data, cut down slides from 18 to 12 too.

Hemant – Come to my room.

5:00 PM. Receives email that you have been rewarded for exceptional performance. The Avanade Orange Award - Client champion. Woohoo! Atleast some respite from the regular dose of bullshit (Plays Kansas City Star – Roger Miller). Gotta wrap up the remaining work man. Have to leave at 6:30. No point in extending and sucking up to traffic. Carrots and sticks aside, Hurry Man!

6:30 PM. Sits in cab, plugs in music (Plays Passive – A Perfect Circle). Reflects on the day, dead tired, tries to catch some rest. Driver drives around like a madman on cocaine. Gurgaon - Jammed, Dhaula Kuan - Jammed, Naraina - Jammed, Life – Jammed! Driver takes some unknown routes, no roads, all potholes, driving on the edges with a fear of slipping into ditches, but doesn’t matter man. I just want to reach home man. Drive wherever you want to, I want to reach home man, just Hurry Man!

8:30 PM. Reaches home all mindfucked. Thank God mom doesn’t watch daily soaps. Switches on TV, lies down in Lord Vishnu pose in front of the TV. Waits for the dinner call. Eats, goes back to TV, and checks some good channel, flips on a stupid movie which has already been seen 21752635723 times. Wastes time as subject is mindfucked enough to not concentrate on anything else. Checks time. Shit! 11:30 PM! WTF Man! Gotta Sleep Man! Just wait for the climax to end. Runs off to bed. Let me just my facebook/Insta/Snapchat first. WTF man 12:30! No more man, sleep on time man, Hurry Man!

Writing such a big rant in office, 4:00 PM already! Gotta send some emails man! Hurry Man!

Religion and men

Okay. So I sit down after a lot of persuasion. I can do it, YES!

There are only 3 types of people. The believers, the atheists and Idiots. The believers believe, unquestionably. The atheists do not believe, unquestionably, and the Idiots always try to convince. The idiots are the people who are dumb followers in a crowd. They always want to persuade people from one side to the other. Because they have no side!
A believer cannot become an atheist and vice versa. They both have different mental and spiritual levels. No charisma or magic can convince an atheist to believe in God. Only the idiots get mesmerized by the stupid magic tricks.
For all the idiots: GOD DOES NOT DO MAGIC. It is a believer speaking.

I do not understand when will the idiots understand that God does not need their attention, their money and their stupid offerings. If he has the power to create us, he has the power to create all of them all together! Why do you think that shining Gold will make him bless you? When will you try to understand that offering him money will not buy you happiness! You cannot buy redemption! You can only earn it! Everyone here is for a reason and for a job to do. And your job is to sustain and live in harmony. No job is big or small or high or low. Power and esteem lives only for some time. If you help a man clean a table, you are not demeaning yourself. Your jobs don't define you, your attitude and character does.And God will definitely not come down and tell this to you. This is something to be realized, which obviously money can't help you buy. The God does not need your money, your yogurts, your honey, your incense and your sacrifices. He just needs men to live in harmony.

Imagine yourself in his place and imagine you created a world of your own minions of a kind. You created a beautiful world for them, with lot of trees and beautiful parks, ravishing lawns. There, you have the two groups. One, which lives in harmony with the society and the people around. The group of people who utilize all the resources optimistically and have no disparity of high and low and enjoy the life. The other, full of idiots who think they are higher than the other and try to bribe you to take you out of the world and take them with you. Who will you take? The idiots always look for more. More than what they have got and they try to bribe their way out of difficulties and situations they cannot face. Do you actually need that bribe? Does God need your bribe? Think about it. Minions.

Refrain?

Okay. I write this while I'm listening to the songs of one of my favorite movies 'Into the wild'. Eddie Vedder is a fucking magician, hats off. And while this jingle goes on in my mind, the movie recaps in my mind. Pure magic. Sheer bliss! Magnum Opus!
..And while the movie goes on in my mind, the only thought in my mind is that, can anybody be actually so free? At a point I feel poor for the chap, dies a miserable death, on the other hand I feel jealous. He spent his last days as a free man. Free from all the tension, relationships, communication, social chains and the biggest of them all EXPECTATIONS. Can a man be ever free in life? In this life? In the next? Was a man ever free? I don't think so. Being a 'Social' animal has brought with it a huge amount of expectations and tensions. Man is a social animal, but can never be a free animal.

An excerpt I just read recently tells about a humanities teacher and his group of students. They were having an intense discussion about life and all its realms. Just to elaborate and figure out what his students think about life, the teacher got an idea. He offered everyone a cup of coffee. He went back into the kitchen and brought coffee in assorted cups; Beautiful, classy, crass and broken. He noticed that none of his students attempted to take the bad cups and were busy looking at each others cups wondering whose was better. The teacher then said: 'You talk about life? Life is nothing but coffee and the cups are only the material possessions. You people never cared about the coffee but just cared about the cup. What should matter to us is whether the coffee tastes good or not. A beautiful cup does not make the coffee taste better, and a course cup does not make the coffee worse. If we only concentrate on finding the better cup, the coffee will lose its taste some day.'
Is there anybody who claims is not tempted by the shimmer or the neighbor's cup? I bet a rats ass there ain't anybody!

The real question is: Can we Refrain?

And the answer is NO.

We social animals have sunk way too deep in the social quicksand to ever come back. Even if somebody wants to, we crabs pull him back! The 'Social' part is the reason. The idea of having a course cup in our hand is too demeaning to imagine. Everyone is running around for a shiny cup and stale coffee. And the shimmer is getting more attractive with the human race getting older. And the race for gold is going to get even uglier.

It is necessary, all this is necessary. Imagine God sending Adam and Eve and both go out on an adventure, separately. The future of our retarded race is doomed. :D
Even in Zend Avesta - the holy book of the Parsis; according to Zarathustra it is a Human being's first responsibility to make a family and take care of it. It is necessary to raise a family. And a man who does not, is the greatest sinner, for he is responsible for the demise of his race.
But trust me, it never says a thing about a studio apartment, flattest screen TV, expensive SUV and a rare breed dog. Make any justification, just backtrack with questions, you'll finally be left with no answer. Let me give you an example:
I want to buy an expensive perfume. Why? Because I have sweat problems. Why? Is sweat a problem? Because people around me make funny faces. Why do we care about people making funny faces? We have no idea why.
You end up spending a fortune to prevent people making funny faces around you. It is not a necessity, it is an unneeded luxury. We sacrifice necessities for unnecessary luxuries. Just because we have too much money to make ourselves socially acceptable. And because we love screwing our brains about what people think about us.

I'm no preacher, I'm no perfect man. I'm a mortal who is an enthusiast in blowing away money for unnecessary things. If you call this rat race, I'm way ahead of the curve. I know the problem, but I'm too scared to go for the remedy. Why? Because it makes me socially unacceptable. It makes my family look down upon me because I could not fulfill expectations. Expectations which were not set by them, but the society. What would a parent like? A happy child or a distraught child running around in circles trying to fulfill expecting, finding the shiny cup till the coffee is too stale to drink?
Parents are never at fault, they are social beings like us and they NEVER set expectations. Society makes them set expectations.

What is the solution? There is no solution. Its just gonna get worse with time. The bare truth, the harsh reality. It will make life a mistake. A mistake everybody repents for committing. The day is not far when parents will hate themselves for bringing children to life and making them suffer so bad. Being responsible for the demise of race is far better than spoiling lives of the future. They will proudly bear the crown of thorns and take the punishment. Lets stop making the coffee, so the cups are never needed!

Moral: I don't want to be reborn as a human. Do you?